How Tinder helped me learn new languages in my travels

It was only day two and I was already pulling my hair out. I was in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. But I could not understand anything. That country was Brazil, and hardly anyone speaks English there.

Now, there is a stereotype that women there are amongst the most attractive in the world. Like most stereotypes, this is untrue as well. Brazilian women are not just amongst; they are the most attractive women in the world.

Like every well-intentioned male, I wanted to make friendly banter and take them home (to show them pictures of India, don't know what you were thinking). But a small thing came in the way. It was called "Portuguese".

I was unable to go beyond "tudo bem?" and "uma cerveja por favor" in Portuguese. These phrases can't get you far with waiters; forget with members of the opposite sex.

A voice spoke from inside my head.

"Are you living a lonely life in Brazil? Are you trying to talk to people using only sign language? Are you living a friendless existence?"

You must have realised that I have watched way too many tele-marketing shows in my adolescence.

"Haan bhai haan!" I mean "Yes, yes, yes!" was my reply.

Enter Tinder.

This app helps schedule a million meetings every day. What happens in these meetings is a bit like paranormal activity. Everyone has heard about it, but no one has actually experienced it.

What happened with me on Tinder? You really want to know? Here you go...

I learnt two new languages, Portuguese and Spanish. Yes, that's true. All of this happened while I was traveling through Latin America for "The 12 Project".

Here's how Tinder helped me learn new languages:

Course Level I:

I started swiping right with Sunny Deol's gadar-type ferocity. Brazilian women responded with the same intensity.  At the end of the first week, the grand total of my matches was…. one.

That's where Tinder and language started meeting. The only way for me to communicate with this pretty girl was in Portuguese.

That's when I realised that the fastest way to learn a language is to speak with someone you are trying to impress.

What Duolingo could not do, Tinder was able to. It had me hooked for hours. With the help of another translator app, I started chatting with this girl, learning new words by the hour. It was now time to move beyond the "obrigado" or "thank you".

Course Level II:

The second level of the course was conducted by whatsapp, another famous educational app. It is known for teaching people a million ways to say "good morning". So what if it irritates the recipients more than that "DJ waale babu" song ever can?

Many a times, through Brazil and later Colombia, the potential date and I would take the conversation to the next level on whatsapp. It meant we were a step closer to meeting one another. Just a step closer, there would still be miles to cover though.

Conversations on whatsapp would be a tad more complicated, hence higher level learning. Here, I realised that translator apps were created by evil people. The app seemed to get the translations deliberately wrong.

Their tag line should be "XYZ Translator app - embarrassing people since 2009".

But there were two upsides to these mistakes. One, you can always learn from your mistakes. Unless you are Salman Khan, of course, then you don't need to. And more importantly, girls find it cute when foreigners make lingual mistakes.

So much so, that I started making deliberate mistakes on these whatsapp conversations. Yes, I turned into one of those translator apps that I hated.

Course Level III:

Sometimes, the final level of the course would start when my Tinder match would agree to go out.  It was finally time to move beyond the written word.

This used to be the real test.

But then, it is only a woman that can make a man give up on his laziness. And I was no different. On the way to the date, I would keep memorising the lines over and over again. If Sunny Leone memorised her lines like I did, she could win a national award soon.

Most meetings would be miraculous. Rather than being tongue-tied (which every normal man is, in front of a beautiful woman), I would be speaking words I myself wasn't aware of. Wait, that isn't the miracle. The miracle was I would get most of them right.

And when I wouldn't, I'd notice my date getting a tad closer and saying, "espero, te ensenare". Meaning, "Wait, I am going to teach you" in Spanish.

Not bad, right?

Someday you may find a voice in your head speaking in a tele-marketing tone, "Kya aap is language class se pareshan hain? Kya aap ko ghanta kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai?"

Then remember, there is help.

Travel, get on Tinder and start swiping with the ferocity of Sunny Deol. For your language teacher might just be a date away.