Rise of the Planet of Digisexuals. Finally we have a solution to Indian 'mard's' problems

Along with the rise of death-inducing pollution levels, and obviously, global warming (Trump won't agree, neither will our leaders closer at home) another trend fast gaining traction, or dare we say friction, in these 'Sanskari' times is the dawn of a new sexual identity, the Digisexuals.

Not to be confused with Doremon (although Digisexuals are mostly from Japan), although anime definitely has a role to play in this, this new breed of brave humans are going where no human has gone before.

The Digital world of sex.

Cum again.

Isn't that passé now. Too unwoke for the groggy-eyed, Rizla-rolling, 24/7 packaged microwavable-dinner eating, millennial.

Apparently not.

Dating apps are vintage.

See, Tinder is just that, Tinder without a spark. Moist. Not sure where we are going with this.

We need to move beyond strangers.

From picking up random strangers in bars, not that we have a problem with that - the prospect still has its own charms - to hooking up on dating apps, some people have already been there, done that.

What now?

Move beyond humans.

Haven't they already done that (cough...bestiality?).

Not really.

The next destination is Robots. Sex Robots, to be precise.

Remember that colleague that would have long, actually too long, hushed, conversations with Siri.

Yes, that one.

Man, that was creepy.

So, moving on.

Dress them as you please. Or, don't. (Photo: Reuters)

Apparently relationship, read sex, with robots, is the new 'in' thing.

Come to think of it, it's actually cool.

And from an Indian perspective, it might be the answer to most of our problems.

Not convinced. Neither are we.

But, let's try.

It will help with population control (God, we need that) and reduce STDs (always a good plan).

With the male/female sex ratio already screwed (that was a deliberate play on words), this would help with bridging the gap.

Would sell like hot chapatis in Haryana for sure.

Any male with crores (earned by selling farmland to builders, dowry doesn't count) can book a robot online.

They'd have a choice of facial features, height, size (you get the general idea) and colour (of the skin, you weirdos), something on top of the Indian male fantasy list.

They can also (possibly) be programmed to make rotis.

Gasp.

How cool would that be, hot sex and hot rotis on demand.

You can dress them up in sanskari clothes, although where is the fun in that, but moving on.

The idea is so radical, it should be pumped full (well) with Make in India funds.

It could also be a part of Digital India though.

Indigenous industries could be set up, would help with the job scene also.

Seriously.

Also, with the fast penetration of the Saubhagya scheme, most households have electricity, so charging these robots would be no trouble.

You wouldn't obviously trust your neighbour to charge up your robot for you. 

Dude, it could also seriously reduce crimes against women. All the testosterone-induced, steroid-popping bodybuilders could take out their passions on these sex dolls.

They will no longer be called out for their 'short' comings.

The idea is so super radical, the government should facilitate loans for the same.

Or an EWS quota?

Let them figure it out, after all they know their voter base better.

Also read: Why a Japanese bakery selling boob-shaped buns is not surprising at all