I really hope Indians become more patriotic in 2017

Patriotism has recently got a new lease of life. The tricolour elixir is expected to do for India what honest socio-political action or pure industry cannot. The vibe must reflect in your dress, slogans, Facebook and Twitter posts, and an occasional ‘misbehavior’ with women who happen to dress unpatriotically.

So, as we step into the new year and breathe a sigh of relief leaving the horrors of 2016 behind, here are some advice on toning up on your patriotism and having a safe 2017.

First, while on the highways, eat at patriotic dhabas. For instance, NH1 has joints paying tributes to martyrs like Shahid "Sukhdev", "Sher-e-Punjab" Lala Lajpat Rai, "Hari" Singh Nalwa, and such like. Insist on tiranga barfi or kesar kheer as the dessert instead of gajar ka halwa.

Should you ever lose your cool over some idiot criticising demonetisation or your political idol, please use a hockey stick or a cricket stump, but not a baseball bat. This way you not only convert that person to a patriot but alongside preserve the honour of our official and non-official national games.

The way you dress is critical, especially if you are a woman. While hijab and burqa may not be required, as yet, try experimenting with super-heroine costumes, Jayalalithaa drape, or, more conveniently police uniform. A tricolour dupatta can hugely lift your sanskari creds. Men are okay even without clothes as long as you do not look like a Dalit or a Pakistani.

Every once in a while, tell someone to go to Pakistan. If possible, send him/her a PIA ticket to Lahore and link to the Trip Advisor wiki on “Things to do while in Lahore”.

If you are a Muslim celebrity, arrange a meeting with the prime minister and throw your weight behind his latest yojana.

Patriotism is all about entertainment, entertainment, entertainment! Extend the stand-up-for-the-national-anthem regimen to everything that classifies as “entertainment in a closed or open space”. Birthday parties, kitties, gilli danda, standup comedy, watching the neighbours fight over parking, you answering your wife’s kal-sham-kahan-the poser, etcetera.

Finally, an automatic patriotic class upgrade happens when you emigrate to other first world countries. There, even if the only thing Indian in your life is Haldiram bhujia, you are a "J" class patriot.

Also read: Supreme Court must know liberty is supreme, not patriotism