Yes, they are right. Indian Army can make you feel better about yourself
"Tum itne mein hi roney lage? Arey sarhad paar jawan ke baare mein socho (You have already started crying? Think about the soldiers across the border.)" has become a constant refrain in the country today.
It all started with the Uri attacks when the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) began protesting against the presence of Pakistani actor Fawad Khan in Karan Johar's film Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. MNS chief Raj Thackeray felt that having a Pakistani in a film or for that matter working with Pakistanis was a national threat and insult to Indians.
Now, people love Fawad Khan. Of course, they will. Look at him.
Okay...stop looking.
And so, the people began protesting. Arrey, why attack Fawad Khan? Do artists have boundaries, nationalities, religion...same old.
But who was listening? MNS's counter was "Soldiers are dying and, nalayak, you are worrying about just a movie!?"
That was it. "Soldiers are dying", "But Indian Army" and "Sarhad paar jawan" became the go-to argument against anyone agreeing with dissent against the Indian government.
More so, against Prime Minister Narendra Modi's recent demonetisation move.
"You can't stand in an ATM queue for five hours?" "Abey, think of Indian army!" "You can't sell vegetables with PayTM? Oye, think of Indian army!" "You there, you can't get change for 2,000-rupee notes? Bro, Indian army, samjha na?"
If everyone wants us to think about the Indian Army in our toughest moments, when we are losing our heads, we might as well give it a try, no?
Here I give you five instances: you might be having a breakdown, be on the verge of murdering the person in front of you, in the ATM queue, at work or in your bedroom. But rest assured, you can hold your peace if you think about the Indian Army!
(Based on real events and experiences where thinking about the Indian Army has actually worked)
1) When you feel overworked
Come on, it's your boss. You know, THAT GUY (or GIRL)! Who forgets the hours you are supposed to put in conveniently - and the hours you actually put in as well. Five minutes before you are about to leave, the boss gives you something to do. And yeah, the boss doesn't give you offs even on the New Year. Or weekends. You want to throw the boss off the 13th floor.
But stop, stand straight, take a deep breath and start thinking about the Indian soldiers. You'll start feeling bad for them. Slowly, you will go back to your desk and put in an extra hour out of guilt.
2) When Digital India refuses to give you a ride
You want to reach somewhere on time - home, office, the movies or to meet a client. You are booking a cab with Uber/Ola. 1.8x surge. Chalo, theek hai. Let's try after five minutes. 2.5x surge. What the! You want to get an auto with Jugnoo now. The ride is confirmed but autowallah refuses to come. Why? "Sir, bahut door hain, ghoom ke aana padhega." You ask, "Bro, phir accept kyun kiya?" He: "Aiwe bro. LOL. F U."
Now, you want to get an auto on the street - you are already 15 minutes late - autowallahs start behaving like Uber on surge. Or worse, if you are in Kolkata, "Na, jabo na." What can you do in such a situation? Well, you know...
3) When your S/O (bae, booboo, whatever) is making you mad
Your boyfriend has dirtied the room. There's chips, pizza boxes, his clothes, his underwear and condoms wrapped in tissues everywhere. You goddamn want to kill him. Or, your girlfriend takes you to watch Befikre. She insists, actually. And when you enter, a little late, and sit down with a tray full of nachos, popcorn, and coffee, you immediately stand up the moment the multiplex's speakers start blaring Jana Gana Mana. And you being you, you drop all the food and spill the coffee all over yourself.
In such moments, keep calm, and think about the Indian Army.
4) When you are a single woman and relatives annoy
You are a single woman working in a big city. You go home for the odd occasion. Mausa-mausi, chacha-chachi, dada-dadi, neighbours and the neighbour's cat start asking your parents in front of you: "She has become oh-so-old. Have you thought about her marriage?"
Worse, when they get to know that you live alone in a flat or return home late at night from work: "Oh no! *turn to parents* Why are you making this poor girl work? She is old enough to marry, no?"
PS. Single men don't have this problem. Believe it, brother. Patriarchy and all that.
5) Of course, when you are trying to get some money
You are cashless. But you need to pay your landlord in cash because the bugger won't stand in the ATM queue. Or, doesn't want the rent to be taxed. Who knows? So, you have to get two months' rent together because one can only excuse you for demonetisation for so long.
So, you are at the bank. Starting 8am, you line up. You have been standing....behind 60 people. At 11:30 am, with just five people in front of you, a guy comes and tells you that the bank does not have any cash.
Now, don't be depressed. Close your eyes, hold back that tear, think and think hard about the Indian Army and sing along, Jana, Gana Mana...