Nastiest review of Mohenjo Daro (without even watching the film)

Hrithik Roshan cannot act. He's been in one (Koi Mil Gaya) perhaps two (add Dhoom2?) memorable movies, which weren't really originals.

His movies are littered with overacting and one too many dance numbers. He's got less charisma than a puppy and more muscles than this cow.

He's a human dumbbell with a clownass nickname (what the hell is a "Greek god" doing in Bandra anyway!?) good dance teacher, a classy ex-wife and zero personality.

Why would anyone want to watch his films?!!

Well, because he's good-looking.

Dudes want to be him, women want to be with him and in India's "gora fetish culture", Hrithik is considered desirable. Also, because we're generally devoid of personality and intelligence (getting a little emotional here) every good-looking person who can move in a good movie is a "good actor".

JUST LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO EMOTE.

Our lack of knowledge about what actually makes a good movie (hint, an actor just works for at least three-four months on a movie) is staggering.

Also read: By talking about Hrithik, Kangana broke a sacred Bollywood code

On to Mohenjo Daro, this is not a review because I haven't seen the movie and have no intention of doing so.

Reason: I'd rather spend my weekend watching pug videos than different close-ups of Hrithik Roshan's chest hair and the assortment of fruity headgears that Pooja Hegde sports.

Gowarikar made one of our favourite films of all time with Swades, and a weird guilty pleasure movie in What's Your Rashee. But the dude just tends to make realllyyyy looooooooooong movies and now we don't really have time for five-hour-long struggles against a hulky hunk wearing horns for a helmet and Hrithik's face shaking uncontrollably whenever he gets "angry" or "emotional".

But Twitter is democratic and more opionated than I am. So it comes as no surprise that Twitter was divided into two camps to slug it out over Mohenjo Daro:

1. People with actual opinions about the film.

2. People with Hrithik or Mohenjo Daro in their names who are calling it the "greatest movie ever made" and branding all reviewers as basically #Presstitutes.

Also read: Mohenjo Daro makes historians cringe, Hindutva bigots proud

Because I am putting time and effort in writing this, I will ignore everyone who put out "unbiased" reviews, called it the greatest movie ever, and proudly have Hrithik's photo as their display pictures on Twitter.

Here's what everyone else thought:

Let's start with Amitabh Bachchan's review of Mohenjo Daro:

Oh well..

Is it time to find a new Hrithik?