Why you should eat the Demonetisation laddoo

It's been more than a month since Prime Minister Narendra Modi's bold and surgical attack on black money. With serpentine queues at ATMs and banks showing no sign of reducing anytime soon, and at least 90 - direct or indirect - deaths, this "minor inconvenience" has left the hapless citizen cashless, tired and severely low on energy.

The PM and his party, the BJP, have come under fire - from the Opposition and the citizenry - for their seeming nonchalance and insensitivity in not even acknowledging (forget apologising) for the chaos faced by the populace at large.

However, not everything is lost. The saffron party has come up with a novel idea to reduce the bitter taste left by the demonetisation drive. The party's Delhi unit has asked its cadres to distribute laddoos to every household in the city - one laddoo per family - to “thank” them for their “patience”.

Manoj Tiwary, newly appointed chief of BJP's Delhi unit, told the Indian Express: “Prime Minister Narendra Modi has launched this revolutionary step to tackle black money. Despite facing some inconvenience, people supported the move. Now, it is our turn to thank them and show our appreciation and respect for their patience.”

Here's why this "Demonetisation Laddoo" is good for you:

1. The Demonetisation Laddoo (DL), sources say, is actually a superfood. On eating the laddoo - prasad for the common people for their "yagna" on black money - you'll get a host of superpowers. If consumed at the ATM queue, you'll never ever get a 2,000-rupee note (all 100s).

2. The DL is 100 per cent shuddh Make in India. The sweet, it is learnt, comes loaded with Nationalistic Nutrients: two drops of Patriotism, three tbsp Jingoism, a pinch of Warmongering, two shots of Bharat Mata ki Jai!

3. Furthermore, the DL is embedded with a UNESCO-approved supernano GPS. This means, whoever consumes this savoury delight will, after some helpings, develop into a walking-talking black money detector. Check your WhatsApp for more details.

4. On the one hand, we are going cashless, Digital India is booming; but on the other, India is facing grave problems of hunger, poverty malnutrition. Many reports and studies have noted the number of India's underweight and malnutritioned, mainly women and children, to be abysmally high. This laddoo will be a "surgical strike"- if ever there was one - on India's malnutrition shame.

5. With the Supreme Court's latest diktat on the national anthem, and many people already being detained and beaten for "disrespecting" the anthem, the timing of this Demonetisation Laddoo couldn't have been better. After consuming this laddoo, forget standing, you will start singing the national anthem in full crescendo, obviously standing in attention.

6. Sources say Baba Ramdev has already started working on a Patanjali version. One bite and you'll be the master of all asanas, especially blackmoneyasana.

7. 1 laddoo = 1 lakh in Jan Dhan account by next election.

8. The DL will further help fulfil PM Modi's dream of a cashless, Digital India. It is common knowledge now that even beggars in India have gone cashless post demonetisation (Source: Modi/WhatsApp).

How is that remotely possible, you ask? Stop asking questions! It must be right if the Supreme Leader and WhatsApp say so.

And now, you'll ask questions about eating a laddoo? Just eat the damned sweet and it will help India go cashless. No questions please, we're laddoo-eating-black money-destroying nationalists.

And yes, after eating this laddoo, you'll never ask questions of the authorities.

Anti-nationals, beware!

Also read: Demonetisation is such a success, Modi should do it again on January 1, 2017