Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3 trailer is so bad it makes porn look like art

Depression: That was what I felt when I saw the "official trailer" of Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3. Forgive me, for I am going to rant about it a bit.

I've never really been a fan of Bollywood. Yes, I like a good flick once in a while, but there has to be a story, there has to be a reason if a woman or a man is the centre of attraction in the story, or if a woman's figure or a man's physique is the centre of it all. But I am sorry to say that the trailer of K2H2 3 left me worrying about the sorry state of affairs in Bollywood.

Let me explain:

Bollywood, ever since its inception, has had fantastic storytellers spinning amazing stories and portraying them on the silver screen with such aplomb that they've brought tears to the audience's eyes - Anand, Masoom, take your pick.

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There have been movies that have run for years in theatres - remember Sholay? There have been movies that have made us stand up and applaud at the art of not just the actor, but also the director - think Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron. There have been movies which have broken the box office simply on the basis of their songs - take Navrang, or closer to these days, Maachis. Take your pick from any movie made in the '70s or the '80s and some from the '90s. Even these days there are movies that have entertained people no end - think Delhi Belly.

Amid all of this, we have movies like K2H2 3, which leave a seriously bad taste in the mouth only through their trailer. I shudder at the thought of what the movie would be like.

To begin with, this movie is the first "porn com" - a bastardised, dumbed down version of the classic comedy genre "sitcom" or "romcom".

So, the movie is about two male porn stars (Tusshar Kapoor and Aftab Shivdasani) who are the star attractions of porn movies such as Lick, Kholay etc. The film has dialogues such as "Ataa maajhi latakli" delivered to the drop of a pair of pants.

What really got my goat is when one of the so-called porn stars in the movie (I don't even want to know her name) pouts the dialogue through her massively thick (botox-infused, maybe?) lips, "Ji main deti hoon… Gareeb bachchon ko education, vidhwa ma ko inspiration, aur kunware mardon ko masturbation".

Seriously?

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The scriptwriter, the director as well as the actors seem to have collectively dug up the gutter's gutter and spawned this movie. Is this how low we have stooped to with our standards for comedy in Bollywood?

If that is so, then I say ban such stuff and give us full on porn, make it legal and be done with it instead of churning out such random bull-dung. Maybe, just maybe, after that Tusshar and Aftab might find their true calling and along the way maybe, just maybe, Indian men might learn the art of lovemaking properly instead of trying to win the girl with cheesy pick-up lines from such movies and then being total duds in bed because they never learned what to do and how.

If K2H2 3 is the kind of comic relief that the country is looking for, it is a sad day for a nation that prided itself in its art of storytelling and comic relief. It's a sad reflection of society when the likes of the inimitable Keshto Mukherjee or even Johnny Lever or Mehmood or Rajender Nath and many, many others - men and women with actual talent for comedy, who have held together movies by just showing up on screen and without even delivering a single dialogue - being replaced by the likes of Tusshar Kapoor and Aftab Shivdasani and girls who act dumb and show off their cleavages just to appear relevant to the movie. To be honest, it's downright tragic!

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If that is the level we have fallen to, then it is high time Bollywood began a purge and got rid of such stories and such directors and actors and employed them in a zoo as the chief elephant dung picker or something.

Movies are not just a medium to entertain, but also to instruct and to leave the audience with something to think about. With such inane movies, we are only dumbing down the Indian audiences. Instead of doing that, why not show them the real thing in theatres - let theatres screen Sunny Leone getting down and dirty on screen or some other porn star doing the unmentionable than watch a bunch of grown up men and women acting like complete insensitive idiots just so that they could make another movie in a series.

Heck, a porn movie has a beginning, a middle and a climax (pun definitely intended), but this - all it has is "-tion" (read shun) written all over it.

It will take me a lifetime of watching the best of the classics to heal the scars that the trailer of K2H2 3 has assailed my eyes and my brain.