5 travel secrets I don't tell other Indians

They say travel is the best teacher. But you know, not all travelers are born equal. Travel lessons may vary from person to person. The lessons could depend on your family, upbringing, economic background and, more importantly, nationality.

Two lessons seem to be common. First, that travel makes you a better person (in your head) and the other that you realise you don't need so much to live (until the trip is over, because you are f*cking broke anyway).

But in reality travel lessons have a lot more variety. So while Americans can get all teary-eyed looking at the gross inequality around the world, innocent Swiss travellers are surprised that politics sucks sometimes.

Being an Indian, I am rather worried about how to make India better. In that sense, I am much like our prime minister, the only difference is he works 18 hours a day and that's how long I sleep.

Also read - Why I travel alone

So as an Indian who has travelled to 14 countries, most of them for "The 12 Project", here are lessons travel taught me. These lessons are strictly for Indians only. Here we go!

Nobody gives a shit about cricket

Only a handful of countries participate in a cricketing tournament and call it a "world cup" in excitement. The rest of the world knows nothing about cricket. The closest people come to knowing cricket is "it's something like baseball, right?"

For most foreigners, watching cricket is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle in Chinese characters. They have no idea about what the heck is going on.

Tinder actually works

There are thousands of women on Tinder in Mumbai. Despite my right-swiping generosity, I have not got a single match in a week.

"Why the f*ck are you even trying?" asked a friend.

Well, because in Brazil, Bolivia, Peru, Ecuador, Colombia, USA, Costa Rica, Panama and Nicaragua - this so called shallow app (which everyone uses) worked.

Hold on, I was not going back to my hostel with a pretty Latina every night. I was going to their place instead (wink wink).

But Tinder genuinely worked as a way to meet new people. Some of my best friends (and friends only) are women I met on Tinder in Brazil and Colombia.

But don't worry Indian men, we do not have anyone else to blame for this drought of female company. It's us. Our desperation has ensured that girls will think a thousand times before swiping right. And before they do, they will say a small prayer to Ganesha and Krishna. Congratulations!

Just because she is nice doesn't mean she is sleeping with you

Thanks to our extremely liberal society, both men and women have absolutely no clue how to conduct themselves with the opposite sex. Men think that if a girl is nice to them (and most girls will be when you travel to other countries), it is an entry pass to you know where.

Indian women, on the other hand, are no better. Most of them think the only reason a guy is nice to them is to get into their pants in a hurry.

And that is true. But still, please don't think this way.

Many wonder whether India lives in a different time

Yes, of course, we are in a different time zone. But most people wonder if India belongs to a different century too.

Now we may sit in our air-conditioned offices and believe we are truly modern. But really, are we? The questions that came my way were "Does caste still exist in India?", "Do people actually kill female babies?", "Do people get killed for marrying a person of their own choice?" and "Does your family decide who you will marry?"

Also read - [Photo essay] How gallant porters of Zanskar Valley wade through icy chaadar

And it would give me faint joy to say that the response to all those questions was...yes.

But I am okay with the arranged marriage bit for value-based reasons. The value here is that it seems to be the only way I will ever get married. 

Cleanliness is not next to godliness

Because God has nothing to do with cleanliness, humans do. And most humans do what they are supposed to do, that is to keep their surroundings clean.

If you are ever feeling low as an Indian, remember, we are one of the few countries where open defecation still exists. Feeling better already?

You and I were brought up in a country where clean spaces are akin to an oasis in a desert. Swachh Bharat cess is not going to clean the country, but it will clean our pockets for sure. Because, you know, we love garbage and we won't let anyone (not even Modi) come between us.

These are travel lessons no one shares with you.

But even with this knowledge, do stay true to your Indian values and forget about this as soon as you land home.

And make sure that you throw out some plastic bottle from your taxi window. Will you?

Because like they say in Sanskrit, "sarv sansaare avkarkandol" or "all the world is just a dust bin".