Child sexual abuse: On devils and brains

One of my mother's recent WhatsApp messages confounded me: "Padmé, listen to me. Return to your faith. So long as you listen to the Devil's whispers, you will continue to suffer. Get up, my love. There are no humans alive who have not had some form of disappointment. But if they get up and fight, then God will be with them."

Devil? I realised then, with my heart's pang, that my mother did not truly understand what it meant to have been abused sexually as a child.

Early negative experience, including trauma, affects the development and even structure of the brain. In medical studies, those who were sexually abused as children demonstrated significantly diminished brain volume on brain scans. For example, the structure of the hippocampus, associated with memory and spatial navigation, is different when compared to individuals who did not suffer trauma. The medial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and other neural circuitry of the brain are also changed. 

The brain shows a sustained stress response as the child grows, with a long-term impact on immune function: the brain’s response to inflammation and healing is altered. 

If the onset of abuse was early when the child was still very young, and/or the abuse was severe, then the biological changes in the brain become even more profound.

Survivors are likely to suffer from recurring nightmares, hallucinations, flashbacks and persistent phobia with aversions to the bedroom and/or the bathroom. Growing up in my teens, I was perpetually dreaming about the ghastly bathroom in which some of the abuse - the incidents I could remember - took place.

Survivors suffer from anxiety, depression and often subject themselves to self-destructive thoughts and behaviours. They have low self-esteem. They present physical and somatic effects of sexual abuse, including chronic pain and discomfort in the chest, thighs, buttocks and genital areas. Their way of relating to others may be characterised by low level of trust and/or superficial relationships, even with so-called intimates. Their behaviour can range from wanting to do their hardest to be liked by everyone, even going to extra lengths, if necessary; to being socially withdrawn.

Is healing possible? Without a doubt. 

It will take years to undo the early learned negative behaviour, and to learn to respect and love oneself again. 

It will require work. But healing is possible, and a liberating process to boot.

I have been there. You can, too.

Read part 11 here.

Read part ten here.

Read part nine here.

Read part eight here.

Read part seven here.

Read part six here.

Read part five here.

Read part four here.

Read part three here.

Read part two here.

Read part one here.