Why I go around New York City asking people about their first kiss
Two months ago, I began walking around New York City with my video camera, asking strangers to share with me the story of their first kiss, a series I call “First Kiss Confessions”. I have quickly lost all shame, and I now approach almost everyone. Relying on animal instincts, I slump my shoulders and in a soft voice, I approach and ask, “I’m an anthropologist doing some person-on-the-street interviews. Can I chat with you for a minute?” Not everyone accedes to the request, and I believe there is a special place in hell for those who talk to you while they remain walking in the opposite direction.
What motivates this video series? For many people, myself included, it is an intense moment in one's life. I love it when people hear the question and immediately exclaim, “Oh yeah, I’ll never forget it.” Why should they? America has a hyper-sexualised culture, an outlook that privileges romantic attachment above all else.
In America, we don’t call it “love marriage”. We just call it “marriage”. For kids in this country, you spend years watching movies and television programmes that show deeply romantic kisses, so it makes perfect sense for you to want the same thing. Maybe a girl in your class or a boy down the block is the one for you. And then... finally... one day... you get initiated into the world of sex by the most innocent sex act there is: the kiss.
I have begun to notice a variety of kissing tropes - styles that I’ll present with video examples:
1. Embarrassing
Embarrassing first kisses are always fun. This story is possibly the craziest. It starts promisingly and ends with public disgrace. Fortunately, people always laugh when recounting these stories, giving me space to laugh at their distant pain. I assume if it wasn’t a laughing matter, they wouldn’t feel like stopping to tell it to a total stranger.
2. Games
Many people have described their first kiss happening in the context of games such as "Spin the Bottle" or "Seven Minutes in Heaven". These kisses are rarely romantic, and often people find the actual kissing a letdown. However, it means they had their first kiss at an early age, unlike me who had it at 17. Lucky people...
3. Wistful
Sometimes people discuss their kiss with the hazy glow of nostalgia, wondering about what was and what could have been. These are often the saddest to hear, and yet they are typically my favourite to record. They feel important. I often walk away from these conversations thinking of Arthur Miller’s line, “Attention must be paid.”
4. Summer camp
You’re away from home, you’re sexually charged, and you’re surrounded by friends. Why wouldn’t you kiss?
5. Family
A man’s first kiss was with his cousin, and this was not the first time I have heard this. For some, being with the family involves safety. I have a friend who grew up gay in a rural region of the American south, and he told me that, unlike other gay men discovering their sexuality, he was lucky and safer because he had a number of cousins around. I found this sentence hilarious and poignant, beautiful and terrifying.
6. Disgusting
Kissing is a weird act. You’re sharing tongues and germs with people you might barely know. Put that way, it’s amazing humans ever do it! This serves as the source for many fond remembrances of past disgust.