Child sexual abuse: On Benedictus

I sit now in my favourite Starbucks, weeping into my green tea, thankful that I have a non-judging wall facing me, the cafe's hurried and preoccupied Delhiite clientele impervious to my tears. 

I blame 2Cellos' rendition of "Benedictus". One of three canticles of the opening chapters of the Gospel, the Benedictus is a song of thanksgiving by Zechariah on the birth of his son, John the Baptist.

I have much to be grateful for. I am returning home tonight, after a hiatus of nine months, for a brief reunion with the family.

It being International Women's Day yesterday - oh the memories of celebrating it in the Baltics! - I write to honour my mother, a solid and strong woman. 

I had written about the need to start a conversation with my mother about my past. I am grateful for my recent discussion with her on Whatsapp, sections of which are reproduced below:

February 18

Mama: "Yes, I've read in the papers about India's various challenges. I hope that you will be careful whilst working. You know how much I love you. If possible, whatever your problems and pain should be transferred to me, I will bear this gladly for I only want to see happiness within you."

Me: "I love you too. Apologies, Mama, that I was angry and disappointed these past few months because of the memories of the past. But you are not to be blamed. You didn't know. Sending you much love, missing you."

February 19

Mama: "Padmé, I didn't think that you are still remembering the incidents from your childhood. I thought that you had forgotten them and thrown the memories from you as far away as possible. For the sake of your health, forget your suffering. If as a servant of God, one is patient receiving the fates, then huge are the rewards. God will not give a test which would not be endured by His servant. It is to increase that servant's standing in His eyes. So I implore you to not continually punish yourself; you are only punishing me doing so. Please, Padmé, forget everything."

Mama: "Mama loves you very much. Only God knows the extent of my love for you."

Read part eight here.

Read part seven here.

Read part six here.

Read part five here.

Read part four here.

Read part three here.

Read part two here.

Read part one here.