Child sexual abuse: On hope

Read part three here.

Read part two here.

Read part one here.

Sexual abuse often is initiated by someone the child loves and trusts, which breaks trust and may result in the child believing that people they love will hurt them (Strean, 1988 as cited in Pearson, 1994).

When I read literature meant for parents and teachers on what signs to look out for to ensure that the child you know is not being sexually abused, I often wonder why my mother missed the signs. After my disclosure six years ago, she recalls now that I had become withdrawn and moody at the age of 10. I also had daily night terrors, so bad that she would have to ask my brother to sleep on a mattress on the floor next to my bed everytime I woke up screaming. My brother would come over, still in the throes of sleep, and with a resigned look on his face, lie down and promptly fall asleep again. I would stare down at him, wondering how sleep could come so easily to him. If he came to, he would look at me wordlessly with one sleepy eye, shift the pillow on his head, and then continue his slumber.

As I grew older, I insisted on spending time in the local library instead of at my grandparents', dragging my poor brother along with me. Together, we would spend hours reading the entire Charlie Brown encyclopedia series, scare ourselves silly with books on UFOs and ghost sightings and pore over picture books on flora and fauna. So there was one upside to what happened: perforce, we read more and more, my brother and I!

I used to be angry that my parents did not realise that I was being abused. I felt cheated of my childhood. But they really could not have known. Most cases of CSA are done by people known to the parents - close relatives or family friends, and who have frequent access to the child.

But I have hope. Our scars, our scabs remind us of our past hurts. But even if our wounds take a long time to heal, even if the pain seems somehow infinite, if I can, through my own experience, communicate the importance of prevention to parents and educators, tell them that abuse does happen in our homes and schools, and in so doing, help a child before it is too late, then that ten-year-old in me would become, more and more, a firm part of my past, rather than my present.