Trump gets lost in deep Saudi pockets
Possibly even God does not know he is God, but after his Saudi visit Trump surely knows he is!
Not only is Sheikh Donald Duck of the House of Trump — as he has been christened by online Muslim cheerleaders — the "greatest", but others seem to be acutely aware of his "greatness", too, his latest fan being the Saudi king Salman Bin Abdul Aziz.
The king not only gave him the kind of reception that will make the Pope blush but also handed over the country's highest civilian honour — a gold chain that will henceforth dangle around Trump's neck, a constant reminder of the security umbrella the US will continue to provide the kingdom.
Trump will also ferry with him in his backpack orders worth $350 billion that will keep the rusting military-industrial monolith back home in good business.
But some "born again Americans" are not too happy at Trump for accepting the Saudi civilian honour with a self-proclaimed adviser of the president, Roger Stone, saying that the Saudis' presentation of a gold medallion to Trump made him "want to throw up".
In a barrage of tweets, Stone attacked Riyadh saying the kingdom should "pay for the attack on America on 9/11 which they had financed".
Meanwhile, anticipating that more Americans may want to throw up, an unofficial version has been put out to put in perspective the demeaning "bow" that Trump took when he accepted the Saudi honour. It is being said that Trump had merely bent his legs slightly and wobbly knees cannot be construed as a "bow" by any stretch of imagination.
A pleasantly plump Trump descended on Saudi Arabia — a la Aladdin on his flying carpet — a fictional character from Arabian Nights that has been a profound influence on the US president since infancy. Melania and Ivanka, the wife and daughter of the "Amerikeen", too, were perched on the carpet, barely an ankle on display.
But they went without the traditional head scarves — this may rankle back home because Trump had slammed former first lady Michelle Obama for failing to cover her head.
Some experts see Aladdin as a perfect metaphor for Trump and his no-holds-barred exploration of the Gulf. A genie named Israel is waiting in the wings to take orders from Aladdin later during the course of his visit, a big take away for the Saudis in Arab world's fight with Iran.
Some experts, however, keep wondering whether Trump cheerleaders are confusing Aladdin with Alibaba — the bankrupt woodcutter who loved riding a donkey with his mouth and eyes wide open — somewhat like a goldfish. And the one who kept forgetting his password, having stumbled over the world's riches.
Still others are even less charitable and see Trump as a lustful businessman who has descended from Hagar the Horrible — the viking wanderer given to looting and plundering and sermonising to his long suffering wife and the world.
Keeping the Hagar ancestry in mind, the Saudis even organised for the US president a male-only ceremonial sword dance, last staged for the Lawrence of Arabia.
Trump's sermon later in the day to the "pious" and "good" Muslims is supposed to be the pièce de résistance: in which any reference to radical Islam may be studiously avoided. So, there will be no change in the ground situation and Saudis can continue to export the Ultra wahabi edition of Islam, duly funded by petro dollars.
But Trump did share with his hosts during his "course correction", one of Hagar the Horrible's great sermons, the thrust of which was, "I am going to open the door and the darkness 'out there' is going to invade the light 'in here'". Or something to that effect. Whether there was a veiled messsge in the sermon is a matter of conjecture.
What comes as a surprise is that it has taken Trump some time to discover the halo around his golden tufts; George W Bush had realised it in a jiffy and even put his favourite maxim immediately into practice in Iraq — "Kill them, put them to the sword and scatter [their armies and brains...]"
Though the American president regards himself as some kind of transcendental genius — whatever that empirical mumbo jumbo means — he might have a lot of explaining to do back home about his fondness for all things Russian, including its bedroom gymnasts.
A "nut case" the sacked FBI chief James Comey — who had taken the lid off Trump's best kept Russian secrets — is now being accused of "grandstanding and politicising the investigation into Russia’s actions..." even though Trump detractors see in the dismissal an attempt to obstruct justice.
Comey, however, is least bothered — he is looking at his sack as a much needed sabbatical to pen a book he long wanted to do. I believe it is titled "How to save the world from buffoons?" but we will have to wait for an official confirmation.
The former FBI boss' sack is, meanwhile, resonating in White House with some officials extremely miffed over the manner in which Trump had trashed Comey as a "crazy, a nut job" in the presence of none other than foreign minister Sergey Lavrov and Russian ambassador to the United States. Trump also allegedly told his guests "I just fired the head of the FBI... "
The US president also justified the sack saying that he was under great pressure. "That's taken off," he explained.
The Daily Beast, in fact, has elicited opinions on the president from multiple administration sources on Trump's embarrassing public leaks."Every day he looks more and more like a complete moron," a senior administration official told the site.
Trump, however, is unfazed, looking upon himself as some kind of modern-day Lawrence of Arabia: for his ensuing role in the Arab uprising against Iran, his dogged pursuit of the IS, and his 'complete immersion in the Arab way of life, at least into their deep pockets.
This must have been the lingering thought in Trump's head as he bent before the Saudi king; you, too, take a bow Republicans, America is going to be great again!