#TheDailyToast: Meat me for dinner? Ban appetit

To meet or not to meat is now, very often, the question. Like Coldplay's fleeting now-you-see-them-now-you-don't X Files-like apparitions at the edge of Worli gaanv, you never quite know when the non-vegetarian portion will make a shimmering guest appearance on your thaali. Or worse, if just as you begin to eat, whether the local Shiv Sena shakha will invite itself over for dinner.

But spare a thought for befuddled erstwhile meat processors and vendors. Between politicians lab testing your garbage of the day for beef remains, counting cows, and selling packaged proteins on streets, the Kasai and Safai association of India is pondering taking to beating up taxi guys and walking out of parliament on a professional basis. They considered calling a bandh but given that they are pretty much shut out of work anyway they could not come to terms on what to strike from.

It is also socially awkward. Visiting friends and the vegetarian sections of weddings and corporate buffets has become quite embarrassing. The potato and the paneer, North India's and every Macapao's answer to never having seen real vegetables in their lives, are hurling through polite society like a meteor shower. There are only so many times you can tell a greens-challenged host his menu is "interesting". As invitations are being turned down, lifelong friendships are at risk. Even at the teetotaller vegetarian Ambani household, it is whispered, a potato was flung out the 47th floor and damaged a sun roof of a neighbour's driver's assistant's dog walker's car. An Audi has been sent as replacement so there is absolutely no need to get all het up about that. The five-day ban is reportedly skewing national stunting averages - a statistic the government is currently working hard at preventing reaching The Economist - mainly by the heads of non-meat eaters shrinking their skeletal frameworks with the weight of all those extra kilograms of smugness.

But the point of the matter is how much more uncertainty can civil society take before it escalates into a full-fledged war? Our gooses are cooked. Grab a plate. Let's eat.