Bajrangi Bhaijaan is less a film, more a mission statement

Salman Khan films, we know by now, are not mere movies. They are events, around which festivals just happen to occur. In jail or outside, on bail or not, the star has a fan base, which turns out to watch any film he stars in, regardless of the director, the co-actor, the location. But there is always a formula which works, which usually ticks off the following boxes: Villain has to be twice the size of Salman ("otherwise there is no fun in beating him up at the climax"), the signature dance step has to be a Dad-dance ("something I usually observe at weddings or parties"), and the clothes have to be everyday ("something people actually wear"). The observations in quotes are from Salman himself to me once describing some of the many reasons why his films work at the box office.

In Bajrangi Bhaijaan, Salman has a director, Kabir Khan, who has already tried to make peace between India and Pakistan by making two agents fall in love with each other in Ek Tha Tiger. So here's why Salman Khan's latest film pushes all the right buttons as the star awaits appeal against the judgement on his 2002 hit-and-run accident:

1. He's a nationalist Muslim: Salman's character is a Bajrangbali devotee, which is in keeping with his avowed statement that he is an Indian who is a Muslim and a Hindu, who celebrates Eid and Ganesh Chaturthi, who has a multicultural family with Hindu and Christian sisters-in-law.

2. He is being human: His character is seen as repatriating a Pakistani girl to her home. "How will you find her parents?" asks his buddy Nawazuddin Siddiqui. "Bajrangbali will help me," says Bhaijaan. "Even in Pakistan?" asks a surprised Nawazuddin. A necessary and essential condition of being a "good" and "human" Muslim is to show Pakistan as a country that doesn't appreciate other religions.

3. He has a fair, beautiful girlfriend who spends all her time smiling sweetly and fluttering her eyelashes: That's Bhaijaan in real life, of course. His array of fair, beautiful girlfriends is as impressive as it is numerous. Who wouldn't want to be in his shoes?

4. He has a talisman: Bhaijaan always has a takeaway for his fans at the end of a movie. His turquoise bracelet, his RayBans in Dabangg, his glasses in Ready. Here he has a necklace with a Hanuman mace. Expect knock-offs to fly off the shelves unless his chain Being Human makes versions to go with the T-shirts and ripped jeans.

5. He speaks the truth: Whatever the consequences, Salman is seen as a brand who stands for what is right and what is true. Regardless of the reality, he is seen as a man who will always bear the consequences of his actions, whatever they are."Mar jayenge magar jhoot nahin bolenge." Hmmm.